So you finally found the courage to ask that cute girl out on a date. Good for you! However, your friends are teasing you because it’s only a coffee date. Only a coffee date!?! Whether you’re gay or straight, one must never take for granted the importance of this essential pre-dating ritual.
Here’s a mostly harmless scenario for you: you’re out on a date for the VERY FIRST TIME with a woman who is practically a stranger. Your food has just arrived and you’re about to start eating, when your date begins to plan your WHOLE LIFE TOGETHER. The Crazy Lesbian Alarms go off in your head. You have three options:
1) Run to the bathroom and escape through the window. Not going to happen.
2) Have a friend call you on your cell phone, pretending there’s an “emergency”. She’s only set to call you in another 30 minutes.
3) Fake a headache and/or nausea. You’re only good at faking orgasms. Face it – you’re trapped.
How could you have avoided this painful situation? That’s right. With a coffee date, or as I like to call it the interview for my new potential girlfriend.
Still not convinced coffee dates are important? Here’s my list of reasons to change your mind:
1) Because this woman is a total stranger, it’s good to be in a public place so that you have a lot of witnesses if she tries anything crazy. Sure, you can do this in a restaurant, but chances are you would bring her to your favourite spot, and you want to be able to show your face there again. Coffee shops are a dime a dozen. If you get publicly humiliated in one, you can easily go to another…unless of course you’re from a small town…in which case plastic surgery and assuming a new identity might be your only options.
2) You can order the coffee and pay for it right away. At a restaurant you usually have to pay for your meal after you’re done eating it. Personally, I find it awkward to eat anything when I’ve lost my appetite for the food, not to mention my date. To have to wait for the bill would be unbearable.
3) Coffee shops are cozy and comfortable without being too intimate like restaurants and too loud like bars. Plus, when you’re at a coffee shop, you don’t have the added stress of trying not to be messy as you pork out on BBQ ribs. Also, you can avoid the embarrassment of having drunk too much, hence having less inhibitions and perhaps saying things you’ll regret when you sober up. No, I’m not speaking from experience.
4) If the gal you’re interested in turns out to be a fucking wacko, you can say you gotta go. And because of #2, you don’t have to wait for the bill. You can just get up and run away, or walk slowly away if she really is drawn to fast moving prey, like sharks or cougars are.
5) If all is going well, you have the option of asking the gal out for brunch, or supper, depending on the time of day. Or you can just rush back to her place or yours for dessert.
