Attic Tales

So you’re ready to start a new relationship but don’t fully trust your instincts with regards to your taste in women. Sure the new girl is friendly, charming and has a nice smile, but serial killers have also been known to show these same traits.

Here’s a mostly harmless observation for you: As women, we have a tendency to think with our heart first and our head second…ok…we also think with our clit, but that’s another column for another time.

Because we naturally feel empathy for people, it’s sometimes easy for lesbian psychos to take advantage of us. Now, when I use that term I’m not talking about Norman Bates stabbing people in the shower psycho, but rather Jennifer Jason Leigh in Single White Female psycho…without the killing part.

To avoid lesbian psycho drama, it’s helpful to be able to recognize certain red flags. Or as I like to say, listen to my lesbian alarms go off. Before you consider getting serious with the new girl in your life, or even if you’ve been in a relationship for awhile, analyze whether or not she has a tendency to exhibit the following psychotic behaviours:

• Pity play:

As soon as a psycho is in trouble, she’ll play the sympathy card. Because you’re madly in love with her, you honestly feel she deserves your compassion. Beware of the sob stories and the crocodile tears, especially when they suddenly appear after she did something wrong.

• Manipulative:

Psychos are wielders of words and love to play mind games. If you find yourself doing something you wouldn’t normally do, ask yourself how often this happens and why you’re doing it if it makes you uncomfortable and unhappy.
 
• Parasitical:

Psychos don’t have a life of their own and need yours. They’ll mooch off of you, your friends, and your family. They’ll take your money, your time, and especially your energy. Ask yourself why your girlfriend isn’t close to her own family, or why she has no friends of her own.

• Deceitful:

If you’ve caught your psycho in a lie, chances are it’s not the first one, and it certainly won’t be the last.

• Charming:

Of course a psycho is charming! It’s why you fell in love with her in the first place. However, the charm is fake and there’s no sincerity in her words.

• Conceited:

Psychos can either have over-inflated egos, or very low self-esteem. Either way, if your girlfriend brags about herself all the time, but doesn’t support you and puts you down (in private or in front of others), you need to seriously question her behaviour.

• Not to blame:

A psycho will never accept responsibility for her actions. In fact, she’ll find a way to either make it look like it was your fault, or put the blame on others.

• Reactionary:

Psychos might not always express their anger in a violent fashion. However, this doesn’t mean they aren’t abusive. You don’t deserve to be called names.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:

You deserve to be in a HEALTHY relationship. You owe it to yourself to find someone who will treat you with respect and kindness, someone who won’t use you and abuse you.

Think with your head so you’ll be able to see the red flags, unless of course you’re thinking with your clit…then good luck to you.