Welcome to my hypothetically weekly advice column. This week, I received two angry letters which made me giggle to no end. Is that a normal reaction?
Yo GSG!
What u got against younger women? We is hot and flexible.
Signed,
18 is LEGAL!!!
Dear have you even graduated from high school yet,
I meet more than my share of lovely libidinous lasses on a daily basis. These nubile nymphs can certainly titillate and tantalize but I prefer to be seduced and stimulated by wise witty women my own age. It’s just who I am: an old flatulent fart.
In other words, I can’t fizzle with your shizzle cause that’s the way I roll. Word to your mother. Yo.
***
Miss Grenier,
Can you please explain to me why you feel it’s necessary to tear down our lesbian community? Every time I read your columns, I get so mad because I feel you never say anything positive about lesbians. Why are you so angry?
Signed,
TIRED OF FRUSTRATED LESBIANS
Dear Miss the point,
Do you think it’s a bit funny that you are mad lesbian because you think I’m a mad lesbian? No? Ok then. I’ll answer your question.
I am a bit frustrated. I don’t think there is actually a lesbian community. To me a community implies that we all get along and help one another. While I don’t doubt that lesbians would join forces to create a super hero league in times of great need; we would quickly disband as soon as we saved the world and started dating one another.
Like any “family”, we are indeed dysfunctional and I try to see the humour in that. However, there are days where I feel less inclined to laugh and feel that it’s necessary to give every lesbian, including myself, a good kick in the butt to help us become emotionally healthier.
I would love to promote being physically healthy as well, but that would make me a hypocrite.
Though I realize I can by cynical, I am being honest, and I encourage you and every other lesbian to be just as honest, not only to others, but more importanly, to yourselves.
Why do we do what we do? I want to explore and deconstruct THE LESBIAN. And while I do this, I’m hoping to not only teach you new things, but learn a few lessons along the way.
I don’t want to tear down the community. I want to build it up.
And once we’re all emotionally in a really healthy place, I want to have sex with everyone one of you…that way it’ll be my turn to be tired, but a lot less frustrated.
***
This wraps up another YDA. Tune in next time and I’ll give you my recipe for rhum and coke…damn it…I just gave it away.
Happy Holidays lovely ladies! I’m off to New Brunswick to spend time with my family so my posts will be a bit irregular.
Remember, if you drink, don’t drive a stick…or a car either.
Thank you for reading Mostly Harmless and Penis Schmenis. I truly am humbled and grateful for your positive feedback and support.
Genevieve
god lady (did I just call you goddess or something else? aha) you’re always gonna make me laugh..!
Wish you amazing and happy holidays in your land far away.. and while you’re at it, give my e-mail address to all these angry lesbians over 18
Lesbian…
Reading the blog and the otherposts I see things that are close to home. I have added you to my digg account for bookmarking….