Oh we can claim that we have our feet on the ground while we’re falling in love…but every once in awhile, we find our heads in the clouds…or worse…in our asses. It’s never easy when our hearts do battle with our heads…that’s why it’s so important to find a balance…and a good proctologist (ass doctor for those too lazy to look it up).
Here’s a mostly harmless tale for you: Danielle, one of my best and dearest friends since the 4th grade, promised me about 15 years ago that when we turned 40, if we were still single we’d get married…she’s straight but I’m sure we’ll have a happy marriage. I’ll have my mistresses and she can have her…umm…misters.
We swore this oath to one another while each of us was going through yet another bad relationship…and of course over countless shooters. Though the details are a bit fuzzy, I think we also vowed we’d be smarter about love. Needless to say, neither of us has kept that promise, and quite frankly with the big 4-0 coming in six years, we might not walk down the aisle together either…mostly because we both refuse to acknowledge we’re nearer 40 than 20.
Here’s another mostly harmless true story for you: I fell in love for the first time at the age of 24. Head over heels in love; lived only for her in love; every waking and sleeping moment was dedicated to her in love. It was a stupid love; an unrealistic love; a love I had invented. It was to put it quite simply, a very unhealthy 6 months in my life.
Ten years later, I find myself falling again, but this time I’d like to think I’m older and wiser. The sad truth is that I’m just older. Fortunately, the other gal…she’s a hell of a lot wiser.
Loss of appetite, insomnia, infatuation, obsessive thoughts — it’s no wonder when a person is exhibiting these symptoms they’re called ‘lovesick’. Psychologists state that this phase most closely resembles the symptoms of mental illness. I think they’re right.
For the past month I’ve been annoyed with the way I’ve been behaving. Whenever I’ve been around this lovely lady, I get all flustered and uncomfortable. I have trouble stringing two sentences together, and worse, I can’t even flirt with her properly. As an extrovert and someone who does public relations for a living…this never happens to me…except for that time when I met Chantal Kreviazuk. *sigh*
The object of my affections is a constructive communicator, very caring, and extremely honest. So honest in fact that when I told her I was falling in love with her, she asked me to slow things down so that we can get to know each other better.
That was exactly the cold splash of water I needed to put my feet firmly back on the ground, and get my head out of my ass. I realized that I was falling in love with certain traits she possesses…but not necessarily her.
So what’s the moral of this story? It’s fun to fall in love and I strongly encourage everyone to do so at least once. However, I also highly recommend that before you give your beautiful fragile heart to someone, you get to really know who this person is. And I’m not talking about her likes and dislikes in regards to music, movies, and cheese.
I’m talking about discovering her expectations; her emotional, sexual, and spiritual wants and needs. I’m talking about discussing how you and she handle anger, sadness, and insecurities. I’m talking about how you and she plan to communicate the good, the bad, and the ugly to one another.
In the beginning, for any relationship, we all need to ensure that each step we take, no matter where it leads to, is with the knowledge that we’re building a foundation where we can all grow as individuals, as friends, as families, and as couples. One where our hearts and our heads are balancing each other out.
Is this easy? HELL NO! But I promise you, if you can at least keep one foot on the ground while allowing yourself to feel all the lovely things one does feel when falling in love, you’ll not only be respectful towards your partner, but yourself as well.
I have no idea what’s going to happen in upcoming weeks and months…but it’s a journey I’m willing to embark upon because I do sincerely want to get to know this lovely person better…and I want her to know me as well…the real me…the geeky me that still likes to read comic books.
But whatever does happen, I’m just grateful that no matter what, in 6 years I’ll have Danielle as my better half. In the past 25 years, we’ve really taken the time to get to know each other…and it was definitely worth all the damage to my liver.
Salut Geneviève,
moi aussi j’ai hâte dans 6 ans…mais j’ai moins hâte du 40 ans!!!!
très belle histoire comme d’habitude! tu écris très bien…excellent…
je pense à toi…j’ai bien hâte à notre prochaine sortie….
Danielle xoxox
Wow what a beautiful story. I have read your blog for a long time and have never posted a comment.