I’m a firm believer that whatever happens between two consenting adults…or between three or four…is their business. However, what kind of website would this be if it didn’t question any unhealthy behaviour taking place between said adults? A nicer one of course!
Here’s a mostly harmless debate for you: is having a Sugar Mama a good thing or bad thing? A few months ago, I was having this conversation with two very cute gals who were trying to convince me that sugarmamaring (it’s a word, you can use it) was ok. Come to think of it, I’m wondering if it’s because they were hitting me up to be a Sugar Mama, or if they really wanted to debate. Hmmm…
For the record, though I’m financially stable, I’m nowhere rich enough to be a Sugar Mama. My accountant told me to say that. My lawyer’s on vacation, and so it my editor, so please pardon the mistakes in grammar and logic these past few weeks.
I’ve already discussed the unhealthy dynamics that can take place between an older lesbian and a younger one in my Mostly Harmless column:
http://attictales.com/2007/07/21/koo-koo-ka-choo%e2%80%a6or-is-that-your-daughter/. What I want to discuss is why would anyone want to have a Sugar Mama in the first place? After doing some investigative research, and by research I mean browsing the www.askmen.com website, the boys discuss where to find a Sugar Mama, how to seduce her, and how to keep her.
The author, Gary Jackson, starts with location, location, location: “Estate sales, auction houses, charity benefits, yacht clubs, top-end jewellery stores, cultural events, and quality casinos are good places to start. Every city has certain bars and restaurants that are favoured by the wealthy.”
He then goes on to explain how to attract a Sugar Mama: “What the Sugar Mama mainly finds attractive is your youth. Physically, you’ll have to look good. Dress well, take care of yourself, and radiate youth and energy. Don’t make the mistake of believing a woman’s standards slip as she gets older; on the contrary, she knows what she really wants more than ever.”
Once you’ve got the Sugar Mama’s attention, Mr. Jackson then proceeds to tell you how to seduce her: “Once you’ve caught her eye and established that you’re interested in her, let her do the chasing. Remember that she wants something from you just as much as you want something from her. Let her take you out for dinner, pick up nice little gifts for you and basically do everything that you normally have to do.”
Last but not least, the author talks about maintaining the relationship: “You need to display the youth she finds so attractive while keeping a certain level of maturity so you fit into her life.”
Here’s another mostly harmless true story for you: I grew up with two parents telling me I wasn’t allowed to get married until I was 45; had a post-secondary education; was financially independent; and found a man who was old, rich, and dying. When I told my father that I was gay, back in 1999, he said the same rules applied to a woman…she needed to be old, rich, and dying.
It’s shocking I have any morals at all.
I didn’t follow my parents’ wishes and got married at the age of 22. To make matters worse, the husband in question didn’t resemble anywhere near an old, rich, and dying man (long story). However, where I did obey my parents was by getting a post-secondary education, with a degree in Communications, while eventually becoming financially independent. So independent in fact that’s why I have a hard time wrapping my head around using a woman for her money. Granted, in return I would hopefully give the Sugar Mama what she needs.
I realize I still haven’t answered why someone needs a Sugar Mama. Maybe it’s because I’m coming from the point of view of pride. I don’t like to be dependent on anyone for anything. I like to think I’m responsible enough to well…be responsible for me.
However, the more I think about it…any relationship, even a sugarmamaring one, has a give and take dynamic. If there is an equal balance of the two between both the Sugar Mama and her Sugar Toy (I just made that up) then it’s a healthy relationship. Both parties are getting what they want and need. Right?
I don’t know lovely people. I’m on the fence about this one.
Let me know what you think.
I truly wondered about your opinion on the subject, and I was granting myself the opportunity to hit on you a little longer than usual.
I’m shocked, I did not know you were married. Crazy early twenties ideas.
Here’s a cue: Hors de Prix (or Priceless) with Audrey Tautou = me like it very very
I would actually like to try to be somebody’s sugar mama… for a while.
I would never be a sugar toy, I’m way too deep into the indendance ideology, but when I grow old and rich (not necessarily on the verge of dying), and let’s say I’m single, well… while waiting for Miss Right to come along… why not? As long as the sugar mama and her sugar toy are both perfectly aware that the relationship is purely artificial and mercantile, I don’t see anything wrong.
As for why someone would want a sugar mama… Well quite frankly, I think that it’s about having low self esteem. The only kind of person I would think that would need a sugar mama is a person that constantly needs to validate themselves with material things. Thus, being showered with gifts and goods combined with a sentiment of always being desired by someone should fill the emptiness left by a lifetime of feeling underappreciated (but of course the compensations are only momentary and the person will never be satisfied). Hm… makes you question about the sugar mama’s morals in participating in such impoverishment (probably not a word) of one’s dignity and respect. Good topic!!