On the 31st of March, I celebrated my 14th year of being out. (Did you know they don’t make a card for that?) I’ve been very fortunate to have never had a bad experience when I’ve told people that I’m gay. Maybe it’s because I choose wise friends; or because they really like me; or because they in fact aren’t wise at all which is why they really like me. Hmmm…
Here’s a mostly harmless coming out story for you: Back when I was 20, I was living with two of my best friends at the time; one of whom I’m still in touch with and godmother to her beautiful twin daughters. Just a few minutes before midnight, I gathered the two lovely ladies, and one of their lovely boyfriends, into the living room, and finally told them my “deepest darkest secret”. Much to my great relief, they were incredibly supportive and delighted; especially the latter because they could finally make gay jokes at my expense.
The problem with my timing is the next day it was April 1st, and so they all thought I was playing an April fool’s joke on them. It took me the better part of the day to convince them otherwise. Fast forward 14 years later, and I’m now out to all of my friends, acquaintances, most of my co-workers, and family. Which has got me thinking, now that I’m comfortably out, would I ever go back in, especially for a closeted partner?
I’ve dated women who weren’t out and have been introduced to their families as a friend more times than I care to count; the times where I was actually introduced of course. There were also occasions where I was kicked out of girlfriends’ apartments whenever the parents were coming over for a visit…however, only after I finished helping with the housework.
Grumble. Grumble.
Where was I?
While I certainly would never force a girlfriend to come out, especially if I knew she was going to face many hardships from friends and family, I would never encourage her to stay closeted. I would however encourage her to ask the question if she could ever truly be happy if she wasn’t allowing herself to be who she really is.
As for me going back in…I’ve reached a stage in my life where I feel very comfortable in my skin. I like who I am and I don’t want to hide that. I’m not the kind of person who is going to go out chanting, “I’m here! I’m queer! Get over it!” but I if anyone asks me directly if I have a boyfriend, I’ll tell the truth. Taking in consideration with whom I’m speaking, I’ll sometimes try to do it with humour.
A few weeks ago, I had seven of my co-workers come over to my place to play poker. One of them is a Christian, another a Muslim. When they asked me what I was doing with gay magnets on my refrigerator, I told them flat out that my refrigerator is gay. They laughed, understood what I was saying, and then proceeded to win all my money.
I learned that I should never underestimate a person’s capacity for open-mindedness, no matter what their backgrounds; and that I need to improve my poker skills.
Whether you want to come out or stay in is your choice. You’ll know when you’re ready. Just remember that you aren’t the only gay person in your village, your town, your city, your province, your state, your country, or the world. You may feel lonely, but you’re not alone.
You’re in charge of your life. You owe it to yourself to be who you truly are, without shame and sadness, but with joy and love.
Go ahead! I dare you! Put the gay in gay.
And with that line, I’ve finally established myself as the corniest blogger of them all. All that’s missing is a picture of a kitten. Seriously people, how do you put up with me?
Please put that picture !! haha. Thanks, I love reading your blog.
wow, incredible!!!!! My refrigerator is also gay!!! Lets get them together ;oP
I just love reading your posts. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
If I eat food from your fridge will it want to move in to my house the next day? Does it have any pets?
this blog is pretty tight. i like the short posts, minimalist approach. nice to meet you mostly harmless!
come by for a visit when you can, i hope you return again and again and tell your friends and i will tell them about you. we should start a lesbian blog/montreal network…
http://linamariepony.wordpress.com/