Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow – that is patience.
The secret of patience is doing something else in the meanwhile.
Patience is passion tamed. Lyman Abbott
Patience is the art of hoping.
Patience is bitter but its fruit is sweet. Jean-Jacques Rousseau
I’ve been keeping a journal since I was 18. I should say journals, since there are probably over twenty by now. I’ve lost count. I keep thinking that they’ll be useful if and when I completely destroy my brain cells and need to remember who I am; or I can give them to my goddaughters for when they’re older and they can learn from my “life lessons”. On second thought, I should just burn them.
Here’s a mostly harmless blast from the past for you: Every once in awhile I like to go back and read my journals just to see where I am in terms of my emotional growth. Am I learning from my experiences? Or am I living my life in a vicious cycle? While I’m proud to say I’m evolving and becoming more emotionally mature, there are times where I’m repeating the same negative patterns. Fortunately, I’m now able to not only recognize my unhealthy behaviour faster but also able to understand why I’m acting badly. I then try to stop my detrimental ways and adopt healthier ones. Am I successful? Let’s just say some days are better than others.
The one thing that surprises me every time I take a trip down memory lane is the same sentence that repeats itself in regards to my behaviour in relationships with my friends, family, and lovers: “I just need to be more patient.” When I look at those words, I realize they’ve had some very significant meanings over the years:
• It’s just a question of time before the other person changes.
• I’m clearly not explaining my wants and needs properly and should find better ways to do so in order to be understood.
• Surely, the person will realize he or she is hurting me and will stop.
All those sentences mean the same thing: I sometimes confuse patience with passivity. While I certainly think that patience has served me well during many a conversation, a lack of patience would have been a lot healthier if I had allowed myself to get angry every once in awhile and say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!
Wow! Capitals and exclamation marks! I am to be feared.
At the age of 34, I’m definitely proud of my communication skills. I’ve had to work really hard at being able to clearly express what I want and need. I’m also much more in tune with my gut instincts so I know when to say enough is enough and walk away.
Not many people like confrontation. I actually become nauseous when I know my words might hurt someone’s feelings. Still, I acknowledge that my feelings are just as important and carry on with whatever unpleasant discussions that must take place. So how do I make sure that I am indeed being patient and not just passive?
Here are a few questions I ask myself:
• How long have I been unhappy with the situation? A few minutes, a few days, a few weeks, a few months?
• Do I want to continue having these negative feelings?
• If not, why won’t I do anything to change the situation?
• Am I waiting for the other person to do it? If so, why?
• Do I feel uncomfortable communicating my unhappiness? If so, why?
When I answer these questions honestly, I find that I’m able to break out of my pattern of passivity by taking charge of the situation, communicating my feelings, asking for what I want and need, and feel better for having done so. Then and only then does my passivity transform into patience.
I can’t expect a person or a situation to change over night. Do I expect results? Absolutely! But I can give the other person a chance to take into account everything I’ve said, process how he or she feels, and propose a solution on what can be done to make things better, if anything can indeed be done.
Write this shit down people! This is good advice! Being passive means you expect other people to read your mind. That is so wrong on so many levels I can’t even make a joke out of it. Wait…I can…but it would involve me talking about Star Trek and Betazoids…and I don’t feel like revealing just how geeky I really am right now.
They say that good things come to those who wait. I agree. But there’s absolutely nothing wrong with getting off your ass and going to get those good things either.
Oh so true, but it take so damn long for people to finally realized that (if they actually do during this life time
) .
And for the record, a friend of mine who bumped in that particular Betazoid in the street said she do have nice assets *grins*