I’m suffering from a broken heart right now (pause for violin playing) and I don’t feel like talking about women…so I’d thought I’d post some fluff…sorry…I always post fluff…something fluffier. For the hardcore lesbians who spell WOMAN – WOMYN; who don’t shave their armpits and legs; and who get upset when female transsexuals want to come to their activities…this week’s column is definitely not for you…but I still dare you to read it and post your comments.
Here’s a mostly harmless game for you: If you were straight, which men would be on your top 10 list to fuck? Because I’m all about equality, if you don’t want to have intercourse with them, you can also have the option to fuck them up the ass.
So without further ado:
Geneviève’s TOP TEN list of potential males for mating if she were to wake up one morning and discover she was straight:
10. Ron Jeremy
Ron is considered to be one of the ugliest porn stars out there…he’s fat, hairy, and a lot of his female colleagues don’t want to sleep with him anymore. However, if you’ve ever watched Porn Star: the Legend of Ron Jeremy, you know he’s intelligent, funny, and sex is not a priority for him…so we could just spend our time eating and having stimulating conversations. However, he is renowned for his cunnilingus skills…hmmm…
9. Lazlo Pearlman, www.gendelicous.com
So Lazlo doesn’t have a penis…but I like bald men with big biceps…this probably stems from my childhood when I would do my house chores using Mr. Clean. Before you write in…I now use environmentally friendly cleaning products.
8. Tom Selleck
I loved Magnum P.I. and I loved Quigley Down Under, and I loved Tom as Monica’s boyfriend on Friends…plus the moustache might tickle in the most delightful ways.
7. Ewan McGregor
One of my favourite underrated actors…I think he’d be a fun lover…he always seems to have a twinkle in his eye…which means he’s going to want to jump on the bed before jumping me.
6. Josh Holloway from Lost
He looks like a dirty boy…and since I can be a dirty girl…well…let’s just say I wouldn’t mind being stranded on an island with him…unless of course Elizabeth Mitchell was available.
5. J.D. Fortune, the new lead singer for INXS
From the moment I laid eyes on this guy, I wanted to sodomize him. He’s just so damn cocky and sexy. I’d put him in a cage and take him out when I felt like alleviating some frustrations. Afterwards, I’d feed him strawberries. Hey…no judging.
4. Bob Ross, painter (1942-1995)
No…I’m not into necrophilia. This painter had a PBS show called THE JOY OF PAINTING back when I was a teenager. He had the most erotic voice. I used to run home after being dropped off by the school bus to so I could watch his program. When he started softly whispering his instructions, I’d close my eyes and paint my own little bush…so to speak.
3. Seth Green
He’s funny, he’s cute, he’s partly responsible for Robot Chicken, and he’s short. I can carry him in my pocket wherever I go.
2. Antonio Banderas
The first time I saw Desperado, I thought for sure I wasn’t a lesbian anymore. I fell in love with Antonio…then Salma Hayek showed up and I was a lesbian again…though sort of wishing I was bisexual…can you imagine a threesome with them? I can…in fact I’m doing it right now.
1. Lenny Kravitz
Yummy and delicious. He could rock my world anytime.
So…care to share your TOP TEN and why?
I’ll only admit to William Shatner. Come on! I don’t want to be the only one in the galaxy he hasn’t fucked.
Bob Ross?! *lol* Yep, I remember him and his tv show. I love Tom Selleck too.
Here are my top twenty fantasies if I were straight. Sorry, ten is not enough for me. I choose them simply because they look incredibly hot naked. Well, that’s what I want to believe anyway.
In no particular order:
1. Viggo Mortensen
2. Patrick Wilson
3. David Duchovny
4. Daniel Craig
5. Clive Owen
6. Christian Bale
7. Ralph Fiennes
8. Jude Law
9. Paul Bettany
10. Ewan McGregor
11. Hugh Grant
12. Sting
13. Guy Pierce
14. Hugh Jackman
15. Robert Downey, Jr.
16. Chris Evans
17. Matt Damon
18. John Cusack
19. Steve Carell
20. Will Smith
How could I forget Hugh Laurie! On second thought, bye bye Chris Evans. I’ll choose Hugh over Chris anytime.
Oh and, the fluffier, the better.