Welcome to You didn’t ask but I’ll tell you anyway, a “weekly” column where you get to ask me questions, express your opinions, and send me naked pictures of yourself. That last part is optional of course…or is it?
Dear Genevieve,
You sound and look like a high maintenance femme, and after reading your blog about pet peeves, I think this confirms my theory.
Low Maintenance Butch in California
Dear LMB,
Ever since I posted my list of pet peeves, my so-called friends have been calling me high maintenance as well. I don’t think having high standards when it comes to being polite, keeping a clean house, and maintaining good hygiene makes me high maintenance. I think these are basic things we should all look for in a girlfriend. Sure, asking a gal to match her socks may seem a bit demanding, but I just think it makes me quirky and cute…am I right people? Anyone? *sigh*
**
Dear Genevieve,
I’m sorry you’re suffering from a broken heart right now. My girlfriend of 4 years just broke up with me. What do you do to try and feel better when you’re hurting?
Sad in Mexico
Dear Sad,
I’m sorry about your break-up. In the past, I’ve dealt with heartbreak in some really unhealthy ways…but now I go through a six step program that I have refined over the years:
1. The first step I take in dealing with a break-up is to throw myself a pity party, where I’m the guest of honour, the bartender, the caterer, and the hostess. I let the party last 3 days. I’m allowed to feel sorry for myself but not for very long. Afterwards, I push myself out of my bed of doom and gloom, and begin to call my friends to let them know about my emotional state…which is usually sad, angry, and a bit wiser.
2. I don’t eat junk food or drink alcohol in excess (at least not anymore). If I was already being emotionally unhealthy in my relationship, do I need to suffer more by being physically unhealthy too? Now is the time to get my act together so I can heal and be the HEALTHIEST me I can be.
3. l also try not to make contact with my ex (not always successfully) for a period of time…that way I’ve had an opportunity to really process what I’m feeling without any unhealthy emotional entanglements. This part isn’t easy, but I highly recommend it. Please see my last Mostly Harmless column: Break out of your break-up patterns.
4. While I’m processing, I secretly hope that Anya from Buffy the Vampire Slayer will appear and grant me a vengeful wish. For legal and psychological purposes, I am advised to say I’m kidding.
5. After my processing, I write down what I’ve learned from the relationship and accept responsibility for what I did wrong…not just towards my ex…but towards myself. Sure, it’s easy to blame her for everything…but remember…you had the power to walk away.
6. Depending on how good or bad the relationship was, I tell myself that I will eventually get over her, or that I’m better off without her. I repeat this over and over again…until one day…it actually rings true. And yes, I wish that day would come sooner.
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Dear Genevieve,
You have yet to talk about gay marriage in your columns. I’m just wondering what you think about marriage, especially since it’s legal for same-sex couples in Canada.
Curious in Kentucky
Dear CIK,
Um…this is awkward…you’re not asking me what I think because you’re planning on proposing are you? If so, I’m sorry but I’ll have to turn you down ever so gently. Believe me, I’m quite flattered…especially since there are vicious rumours circulating that I’m high maintenance. I’m not a big believer in marriage. Rather, I’m a big believer in commitment to a relationship. I want to give my 100% best at all times. However, I could never say to a girlfriend that I promise to be with her forever, unless of course she never ever did anything to set off my pet peeves.
If you ever get married, I’ll show up at your marriage (even if uninvited) and I’ll triple dare your bride to wear disparate socks. (and flashy ones!)
Sorry if I started the virtual high maintenance rumor, I was just kidding! Promise!