In the past few weeks I’ve been told by most of my friends that I do far too much introspection. So much so, that I can suck the excitement out of any relationship before it’s even started. In fact, that’s my new motto: “Sucking the fun before it’s begun.”
Here’s a mostly harmless statement for you: Lesbians love drama. Our attraction to drama is directly proportionate to our desire for processing said drama with friends, family, and lovers. If we didn’t have the drama, what meaning would our lives have? How ever would we be able to learn anything about ourselves and others? How would we cope with not having any valid excuses to drink before 5pm?
One of the reasons why I created Attic Tales was so I could analyze my bad behaviour in relationships and in the process hopefully encourage a few of you to think about your conduct as well. Before you ask who the hell am I to say you’re behaving badly, I don’t have to say anything really…I think deep down you already know there are times when you get stuck in a vicious cycle and have no idea how to get out of it. Trust me…I’ve been there…hell…I still visit there every once in awhile.
Introspection has enabled me to not only recognize WHEN I’m behaving badly, but WHY I’m doing so. It’s very easy to blame our exes for our failed relationships, but at some point in time, we have to take responsibility for our own actions and pinpoint exactly what it is about ourselves that is drawn to drama over and over again. It’s far too convenient to say it’s because emotionally healthy lesbians are few and far between. It’s also untrue.
None of us can say we’re healthy all the time. We’re not always dating the WRONG person because there are moments where WE are the wrong person. Whether it’s having sex to fill a void, doing drugs, drinking too much, overeating, starving ourselves, lying, cheating, being abusive, or being abused; we’ve all at one point or another invited DRAMA into our lives. It’s how we deal with the drama that makes all the difference.
If there is one piece of advice that I can give you in order to help you become a healthier better you, it’s this: BE BRUTALLY HONEST WITH YOURSELF. Ask yourself the really tough questions as to why there is so much drama in your life. You certainly can’t change other people, but if you want to change a situation, you can start by changing yourself.
According to Christine Akiteng, http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/, there’s hope for us all when it comes to drama. In her article Bad relationship patterns – moving from stuck to insight, she asks that we do some thorough introspection on ourselves by answering the following questions:
1. What lesson do you need to learn regarding this person/experience?
2. Why have you attracted this person/situation into your life?
3. What role is this person playing to fulfill his or her own part in this negative pattern?
4. What aspect of yourself is this person reflecting back to you (is it something you’re denying about yourself, or don’t realize you’re doing, or validating a belief you have, or showing you a quality you need to develop)?
5. What is the gift this person/experience is giving you?
6. Can you accept the role and actions the other person has played in helping you learn this lesson?
7. Can you allow yourself to let go of any anger towards the other person who has helped you learn this lesson?
Is doing all this introspection going to hurt? That depends on how much drama you have in your life. But you know what? You’re a tough cookie. I believe in you. Just don’t be a stereotypical lesbian like me and over-analyze everything to death. You want to have some fun out of life.
