I’d like to think that as I get older I’m slowly but surely getting my act together. Sure, there are times where I regress, not to the point where I need potty training lessons again, but just enough where I realize I didn’t really learn whatever lessons the Universe, in all of her wisdom, was trying to teach me the first time. Does that make me a dumb ass? Not really…it just means I’m going to be better the second, third, or twelfth time around…ok…maybe I am a dumb ass.
Here’s a mostly harmless question for you: How is it that some women meet the right people and have healthy lasting relationships, while others and we won’t mention any names, experience fleeting unhealthy passions? My theory is that we’re so focused on FINDING the RIGHT PERSON that we forget WE need to BE the RIGHT PERSON.
It would be far too easy to say it’s not my fault that the women I attract have had serious emotional problems, but also not true. Clearly, I’ve had some on-going emotional turmoil as well. Yet despite the fact that I’m working on myself every day, I have yet to find the right gal for me. Why is this? (No need to answer that, it’s a rhetorical question.)
The thing I hear the most from people who are in healthy long term relationships is that before they started dating their partners, they weren’t even looking to find anyone. They were happily living their lives, content and grateful, when suddenly they met a person who delighted them to no end. It might all sound so very cliché, but I think there is some strong truth to the statement that if you are happy with your life, you will attract people who are just as happy as you.
While doing research on the Internet for this column, I discovered there’s a lot of information on how to find and attract THE ONE for you. However, most of the advice comes in direct conflict with what happy healthy couples have been telling me for years. Some websites will advise you to be aloof, play hard to get, and make your potential partner jealous; while others will tell you to make yourself available by feigning interest in her job, hobbies, and friends and family. Bottom line is that they promote mind games. Very rarely did I find a website that just asked me to focus on my life, without worrying about finding the love of my life.
Ask any happy healthy couple to remember how they were before they got involved, and most will probably tell you this:
- Know what you want.
- Love yourself.
- Be grateful for what you have.
- Show love.
- Realize everyone is perfectly imperfect.
- Live outside your box.
- Accept that some things are outside your control.
I think these are wonderful philosophies to live by, whether I’m in a relationship or not. Granted, some are easier to work on than others and may take the rest of my life to finally understand and adopt. However, I’m willing to learn the necessary life lessons I need to be a happy healthy me. And if I’m not learning them well enough, or fast enough, I trust in the Universe to bitch slap me for being a dumb ass. Hey, at the very least I’ve mastered potty training.
Just remember Neo: There is no spoon.