As I’m writing this, it’s a quarter to seven in the evening and I realize I completely forgot that today is Valentine’s Day. Last year, on the same day, I spent the evening alone but on an emotional high because the next night I was going to have my first date with the lovely lady. She brought me to a Bring Your Own Lesbian party being held here in Montreal. She was actively pursuing me and I was actively trying not to freak out about the fact that she was married and in an open relationship with her husband. Good times. Good times.
Here’s some mostly harmless introspection for you: I think the reason I forgot it was Valentine’s Day is because I’m finally in a place in my life where being in a relationship isn’t a priority for me. Sure, it would be nice to have someone to snuggle with on these cold winter nights we’ve been having, but it’s not a thought that pops into my mind on a regular basis as it did in the past. And by regular basis, I mean 55 minutes out of every hour. The other 5 minutes were dedicated to thinking about how I needed to pee and really should do something about it. Which reminds me…excuse me for a minute…or five.
Ok I’m back…and yes I washed my hands. When I say being in a relationship isn’t a priority for me, it doesn’t mean it’s not important. I have been celibate for 20 months after all…and I’ll admit this is making me grumpy. But all grumpiness aside, my main concern is not having sex with someone, but to take the time and figure out what it is that I really want and need in a relationship. Back in February 2008, I wrote in my column You know what you want…but what do you need, http://attictales.com/2008/02/03/you-know-what-you-wantbut-what-do-you-need/, what I wanted in a partner:
“I want a partner who will be a constructive communicator; laugh at my jokes and make me laugh; be sociable; stimulate me intellectually, spiritually, and sexually; have a positive outlook on life; be independent; be frank but diplomatic; be supportive; be forgiving; be grateful for what she has in life; be hard working; be financially responsible; have good relationships with friends and family; be kind and generous to others; love animals and children; be open-minded; be healthy in mind, body, and spirit; recognize her flaws and be willing to work on them; recognize her strengths and use them; and last but not least, be emotionally honest with me and more importantly, with herself.”
A year later, I still believe these are qualities that I’m looking for in a girlfriend but I also believe something else. I believe that the reason why I haven’t found this woman yet is because I still had so much to learn about myself before I could offer anything of value to a healthy relationship.
In 2008 I learned:
· To trust my instincts when they’re telling me a person or situation is emotionally unhealthy.
· That it’s ok to be perceived as a bad person and walk away from the emotionally unhealthy person or situation.
· To let go of my frustration and anger when someone is choosing a difficult path for themselves.
· That I deserve someone who is as emotionally healthy as me, while acknowledging that we both will have our bad days.
· I really miss sex.
So…now that I remember it’s Valentine’s Day…what’s a single girl to do? It’s now 9:00pm and as I finish writing up this column, I’m thinking about what I do have to offer in a relationship. I’m thinking I’m not always 100% emotionally healthy 24 hours a day, but I’m certainly on the right path to ensuring that I can feel this way at least 30 minutes out of every hour. The other half hour will be dedicated to thinking about sex, and how I need to pee…again.
Happy Valentine’s Day lovely readers! I hope you love yourselves as much as you love others.
Geneviève
<3 <—– nerd symbol for a Heart
xo
Me & Chef Lesbian love you – you’re the best!
Just be!!!