One of the hardest things for me to do in any relationship, whether with friends, family, co-workers, or lovers, is to ignore a problem. Now you might say this is a good thing, but it’s not when you’re confronted with a person who wishes to act as if nothing is wrong when you both damn well know there is. This causes me great distress because I’ve reached a stage in my life where I’m incapable of ignoring the pink elephant in middle of the room…especially when I’m sober.
Here’s a mostly harmless question for you: How good are you at facing emotional issues? Do you explode in a fit of rage? Do you seethe in silence and sulk? Do you take the time to analyze your emotions and address the situation in a productive way? Do you hound the other person until she breaks and finally talks about what’s wrong? Do you patiently wait until the other person is ready to talk? Do you act like nothing ever happened? Do you think I would have made an excellent Grand Inquisitor?
As much as I’m a big believer in constructive communication, my methods to initiate positive dialogue leave a lot to be desired. I don’t go around torturing people mind you, at least not physically…but I definitely apply some mental pressure. Despite the fact that my emotional well being is important, it doesn’t mean that my behaviour is acceptable.
I have a tendency to PUSH and PUSH and PUSH people until they finally do one of two things:
1. Shut down.
2. Walk away.
Hell, sometimes they shut down and walk away at the same time.
So now you know the truth…I’m a harasser…just not in a fun sexual way. In order to break myself of this habit, I recognize that this will take patience. Experts, and by experts I mean any Tom, Dick, and Harriet who have an opinion on the subject, recommend that I follow this 4 step program:
- Tell the person that I care about her and respect her.
- Tell her that when we are fighting, it hurts me, and it hurts her.
- Tell her that my goal for initiating constructive communication is so that we can resolve the issue as quickly as possible and strengthen our relationship.
- Tell her that the ball is in her court, and I will wait until she is ready to talk.
And what happens if the person still does not wish to acknowledge the pink elephant but instead tries to sweep it underneath the carpet? While I certainly won’t shut down, I can most definitely walk away. If a person wants that many pink elephants in her life, she can join the circus.
best closing sentence ever, thank you so much, for everything
“Hell, sometimes they shut down and walk away at the same time”
Not everybody can do that!