Attic Tales

It was almost midnight fifteen years ago today when I took all the courage I had in the world and came out to my best friends. I can’t explain to you how scared I was. I genuinely feared that the people who meant so much to me would be disgusted and no longer want me in their lives. By the time I was done with my “confession”, I didn’t have anything to worry about; they accepted me for who I was…until they realized that it was now the 1^st of April and they thought I was pulling an April Fools’ Day prank on them.

Here’s a mostly harmless fact for you: Coming out is never easy. For anyone, anywhere. It doesn’t matter where you live, how old you are, whether you’re rich or poor, come from a loving family, or if your last name is Dyke…though that would be funny and ironic. 

Coming out to friends is one thing, if they turn out to be asses, though it will hurt like hell, you can find new ones who are smarter. However, it’s a whole other thing when you come out to your family. You can’t go out and find new parents…well you could…but kidnapping charges are a bitch to get dropped. 

If you’re thinking about coming out to your parents, allow me to make a few suggestions:

1. Trust your instincts.

If you have parents that already treat you badly, chances are they won’t be supportive of you being gay. Ask yourself if you’re emotionally strong enough to handle Mom and Dad making gay slurs and possibly rejecting you. If you live at home, make sure you have friends or supportive family members that can offer you a place to stay.

2. Give it time.

You’re not worried about your parents rejecting you so you come out and they pretend like the conversation never took place. If it took you time to realize you’re gay, and even more time to come out, then you can give your parents time to digest this information…and yes it may take awhile. Just gently remind them from time to time that you’re not going through a phase, and ignoring your homosexuality won’t go away. Also remind them that as your parents, the number one thing any GOOD PARENT wants for their children is for them to be happy. 

3. Be gentle.

Getting angry won’t help. If your parents are Baby Boomers or older, you need to educate them…not by screaming, “I’m here, I’m queer, get over it!” but by letting them know that in this day and age, being gay is not only perfectly normal, but no big deal. Remind them that you’re still the same person, that they didn’t do anything wrong, and that you need their love now more than ever.

 4. God is on your side.

If your family is super religious, do some research in your town; or the towns surrounding it; many churches are very welcoming of gay people. Have your priest, rabbi, or minister talk to your parents and remind them that God is Love. 

5.Your parents are responsible.

No. Not for you being gay. If your parents have always played a big part of your life, remind them that the only thing they have to do is to make sure that the person you bring home treats you with respect and kindness and gives you all the love you deserve. 

As I finish writing this, in five minutes it will be midnight, bringing in yet another April Fools’ Day. I may have the worst timing in the world, but please know I’m sincere when I say coming out will be one of the most courageous things you’ll ever do in your life. Do it when you’re ready but be smart about it. Remember that you’re not the only gay person in the world, no matter how lonely or isolated you may feel. Remember that you’re worthy of love. And lastly, remember that your parents, like you, are flawed.