Well after an incredibly emotional rollercoaster of a month, I’m slowly but surely starting to have some semblance of normal rational feelings again. Not seeing one’s mother for 15 years can certainly take a toll on a person. Of course, seeing one’s mother after 15 years can certainly take an even greater toll…especially when she grabs your stomach and insinuates you’re fat just minutes after getting off the plane.
Here’s a mostly harmless tale for you: A few nights ago, I ran into an ex-girlfriend of mine. Now as many of you know, I’m not friends with any of my exes for a myriad of reasons. My politically correct answer is that I just want to focus on the present and not the past and move on with my life. I shan’t give you the politically incorrect answer…mostly because my lawyer fees are expensive and in these times of economic crisis…well a gal has to be smarter with her money.
Immediately after seeing the ex-girlfriend, because I was still on the pity party train in regards to my mother, I felt feelings of sadness, anger, and frustration and went into full vent mode with a friend whom had never met her before. Much to my chagrin, I only said negative things, and because of this, I completely gave a one dimensional point of view of the poor ex. I realized this wasn’t fair to her since she does have wonderful qualities. After all, I did get involved with her because she has a good side…and a really cute butt.
So in the interest of being more positive, and attempting to find some balance with the negative I spouted about any of my exes in the past, please find below, a list of good things I remember about these ladies:
- L: One morning she woke me up and presented me with a piece of paper where she had drawn a flower and the sun. Below the drawing was a scribbled note saying: “Look at what you’re missing when you sleep in! Become a morning person!”
- S: Right before going to bed, she’d tell me to: “Dream pretty pictures.”
- C: After the death of a friend’s 3 month old baby, I was devastated. This ex took me in her arms and held me for 2 hours straight while I cried and cried and cried.
- N: I remember her outside half naked on her balcony in the middle of thunder and lightning storm, trying to save her laundry from flying away. It was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.
- S: One day we were at a bookstore, and I was going to the Fantasy section, and she was going to the Science Fiction section. As we parted ways, we both looked at one another and screamed out: “Freak!”
- MN: She still sleeps with her childhood teddy bear.
- B: She would leave little food packages beside the homeless while they slept.
It’s so easy to be able to bash the people who hurt us. While I’m not saying we don’t deserve to express our frustrations, complain about their actions, and demand sympathy from our friends and family every once in awhile; it’s important to remember the good along with the bad. Our emotional baggage in regards to our exes can truly weigh us down. And I don’t know about you, but according to my mother, I weigh enough already.
For shame on your mother! My Lovely Ms. Attic – what I have always loved about you was that you allowed yourself to feel good about your body and not put negative expectations. I still remember when you showed up at my apartment during a trip home and how, within five minutes of being in the door, you lifted your shirt and proudly declared that you now had a belly and breasts that needed a bra! That moment is something I remember every time I berate myself for not looking stick thin – because you taught/reminded me that women are meant to have curves… I treasure that memory with you.
You are perfect as you are… and if dear Momma says that again, I’m heading out West to deck her.
and right when we think the Librarian ain’t butch…
Didn’t you know that femmes are the toughest ones out there… the butches are the velvet teddy bears…
Besides, since I can now leg press almost 200 pounds and do multiple set of pushups, I need to flex my muscle a bit!
Oh man… I’m so embarassed to be posting on almost every blog… i just can’t help myself. I can relate so bad to them and it’s been a very pleasant surprise. For quite some time I felt all these things that I thought were crazy or stupid, but, here I am reading through these blogs and they make me feel so much better about that. This one is a great example of it.
I’m so used to bashing my ex… like it’s my God given right for all the things she put me through. So, all I’ve told my friends about her are negative things, and of course, they always listen and support me. But now that my “angry dyke” stage has somewhat passed, I’m starting to remember little things about my ex that make me smile or laugh every now and then. So this past weeken I was at my friend’s house and I was talking to her about random stuff and then something happened that reminded me so much of my ex that I just had to tell this story to my friend. When I was finished she said something like how funny it was hearing me say these nice things about the ex, since she had this image of her being a total bitch. At that moment I realized how much time I’ve put into saying negative things about her and our relationship, when the truth is that I had a wonderful time and I loved her so much and I know she loved me so much as well… it’s just that the heart break makes it all blurry. Time has cleared things a lot more though.