Believe nothing just because a so-called wise person said it. Believe nothing just because a belief is generally held. Believe nothing just because it is said in ancient books. Believe nothing just because it is said to be of divine origin. Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true. –Bhudda-
There is nothing to fear except the persistent refusal to find out the truth, the persistent refusal to analyze the causes of happenings. –Dorothy Thompson
The only way to tell the truth is to speak with kindness. –Henry David Thoreau-
If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people. –Virginia Woolfe-
How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four; calling a tail a leg doesn’t make it a leg. – Abraham Lincoln -
A few nights ago, a funny woman whom I’m honoured to call my friend, confessed that she was very angry after reading my column We don’t need an Emo Hero. She stated that just because I felt I was speaking the truth didn’t necessarily mean that what I was saying was true. I told her that if I wasn’t proven wrong, I was right, hence speaking the truth. Yeah…I know…I shouldn’t be allowed to talk to other people.
Here’s a mostly harmless confession for you: I wrote the Emo Hero column because of some emotional baggage I’ve been carrying for a long time now. I come from a family where communication is not a part of our regularly scheduled program. Consequently, I’ve tried really hard over the years to improve and develop my communication skills. I’m proud to say that I’ve become an excellent communicator yet sadly, no matter how diplomatic I’ve learned to be, these abilities have not helped me when it comes to my relationship with my mother.
For the past 15 years my mother and I have been estranged. She lives at the other end of the country and no matter how many times I’ve written her letters, or left her messages on her answering machine, both the letters and the calls have been repeatedly ignored. I would love to explain why it is my mother decided to shun her only daughter, but I have no answers for you. I have a few theories I’ve developed over the years, ones I’ve even shared with her, but to no avail; she hasn’t given me any reasons as to why she hasn’t wanted me (or the rest of her family) in her life for so long.
In a few weeks, my mother’s sisters, her only brother, and their children will be celebrating my Grand Maman’s 80th birthday. They decided that it would be nice to have my mother come and join the festivities. To everyone’s surprise, she accepted. Needless to say, this has brought up a lot of emotional baggage for me, baggage I thought I had dealt with once and for all.
From the ages of 20 to 33, I invested a lot of time, energy, and emotions into my girlfriends, trying to help them with their emotional problems. It’s only last year, that I realized I was attracting the same kind of woman over and over again because in a fucked up Freudian way, I was attempting to help these women because I couldn’t help my mother with her own emotional turmoil.
Last year’s two dating fiascos served as shining examples that I wasn’t ready to become anyone’s girlfriend until I truly understood that I can’t help anyone who doesn’t want to help themselves…which brings me back to the Emo Hero column. I felt like had fallen back into old unhealthy patterns.
Now…what the hell does any of this have to do with speaking the truth you ask? Be patient, I’m about to come full circle. Because I’ve spent years pursuing the truth as to why my mother no longer wanted me in her life, it’s been extremely important for me to be honest with myself and with others. To quote Gloria Steinem: “The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off.”
I know what drives me to speak the truth and I recognize that there are consequences to speaking it. Regardless of whether it’s just my perception of the truth, it doesn’t matter. It’s how and why I communicate my perceived truths that is important.
Anything I say in these columns is my truth according to me. You can take what you want from my words and make it your own truth, or you can discard what I say and walk away. That’s what so great about blogging, we all get to express ourselves. I just have to do it in a more responsible way. The same goes when I communicate with anyone face to face.
This way, when I meet my mother for the first time in 15 years, maybe I can learn her perception of the truth…I might get pissed off…but I know deep down I’ll also be set free.
