When I was a teenager, my mom and dad never had to worry about me like some parents did with their adolescents. I didn’t sneak out of the house, I didn’t do any underage drinking or drugs, there was no chance of my getting pregnant, and I had great marks in school…except in math of course.
Here’s a mostly harmless confession for you: In my teens, I rarely left the house, and spent a lot of time in my room. Was I doing naughty things you ask? It depends if you think reading the Bible is naughty or not. My parents weren’t especially religious. We didn’t go to church. We didn’t discuss our beliefs in God or even other religions. We were just your regular non-practicing Catholics who felt guilty about a lot of things but weren’t exactly sure why. So why my interest in the Bible?
I loved the Old Testament stories. They were magical. From David slaying the giant Goliath to Samson being betrayed by Delilah, how could I not be fascinated with what happened in biblical times? And let’s not forget when Jesus came along, two words for you: AWE-SOME! Not only did Jesus turn water into wine, raise the dead, and hang out with prostitutes, but he shared some very powerful philosophies. Ones that I still find hold true today.
Besides reading the Bible, I also had talks with the Virgin Mother and God. I prayed A LOT. For anything and everything. Mosty for forgiveness, for my parents to stop fighting, and for me not to grow up. (I really didn’t want to have to start wearing training bras.)
When I turned 18 and realized that I was gay and no amount of praying would change that, I was devastated. I had been taught that God would forsake me because I dared to love women. For the next three years I felt really lost. I was confused, angry, and felt profoundly betrayed. I had spent so much time trying to be a good person, obeying my parents, following the 10 Commandments, (not killing my three younger brothers was hard); I couldn’t understand what it was that I had done wrong? Was falling in love with another woman really such a horrible sin?
When I was 21, I met a girl by the name of April who was a devout Christian…when she wasn’t making out with me of course. I would have countless conversations with her about God and religion. Her faith was unwavering and inspiring. She seemed so pure in her beliefs that everything that came out of her mouth seemed DIVINE. However, one night when we were discussing baptism, she said that little children in Africa who starved to death before being baptized would not get into Heaven.
Well that was about the stupidest thing I had ever heard. God could turn His back on me for being gay, but to forsake the children! No! Absolutely not! UNACCEPTABLE!
For three years I had been sad when it came to my religion, but now I was simply PISSED OFF. Fortunately, I wasn’t angry with God. I was furious with Christianity. So I decided to find God my own way. Instead of being religious, I became spiritual. It’s a path that gives me faith, brings me solace, and helps me express gratitude for the smallest of things.
I don’t believe that God is a judgmental God but just in case I’m wrong, for the record, if I am to be judged, I hope it’s not because I’m gay. I hope the judging is based on whether I treated the women in my life with love and respect and kindness. I hope it’s based on whether I was honest with them, through good and bad. I hope it’s based on my being understanding, forgiving, compassionate, and responsible.
I can’t pray away the gay. Nor can anyone else. But I can pray that one day, no matter what our religion, beliefs, faith, and spiritual paths, we do remember that we are all children who LOVE. And there’s no sin in that.
Dear Lord,
Please help my friend see the error of her ways. Let her know that what she does is a sin and will lead to her eternal damnation in hellfire and brimstone etc. Give her the knowledge that what she does shalt not be condoned in your kingdom. Her lustful, evil appetites as she lies with women of all colours and creeds. Cavorting and caressing all sorts of women, be they blondes, brunettes or tasty redheads. Their soft milky skin a-joined in sweaty carnal lusting. And Breasts! Colliding in hot embraces culminating in loud, bellowing of cosmic joy and…
ok, never mind. I get it.