When I’m not trying out various deodorants, I’ve been told by a number of people who’ve been attracted to me over the years that I have a smell. A good smell. A smell of my own that actually drives both men and women to…um…how do I put this delicately…want to fornicate with me…right after they’re done sniffing me. Yes, my smell also provokes people into sniffing madness. I’m a sexy beast that way.
Being the brilliant readers that you are, I’m sure you figured out that I just give off really strong pheromones. I had no idea what these were until I saw an episode of X-Files back in 1994 called Genderbender. Awesome episode…sigh…I miss Scully…I bet she smells good. Ahem…sorry…where was I?
Ah yes…pheromones are a chemical signal that triggers a response in another member of the same species. Sexual pheromones in a female signal that she is ready for procreating. Now as a woman who has no intention of ever getting pregnant, I have to wonder just how useful this chemical trigger really is for me…especially right before ovulation when I notice men noticing me noticing them noticing me.
Yup, once a month for a day or two, men are paying just a wee bit of attention to me…and not because I’m having a great hair day. They notice me because my pheromones are stronger, letting them know that biologically speaking at least, I’m ready to make babies with them. The worst part is that these damn pheromones also boost my libido from high to skyrocket high. I really do want to mate, just not necessarily for baby making purposes…or with men. Stupid primal mating urges.
Another interesting fact about my smell is that whenever I was fighting with a girlfriend, my smell would actually turn her off and she’d tell me I stank…which makes me think that maybe my sexual pheromones became alarm pheromones and would trigger mild aggression…hmmm…I’ll have to think about this. Of course I might be over-thinking and actually smelled bad on the days where we were arguing…like every other day…sigh.
I has a smell. But you know what they say…scent is in the nostril of the sniffer. They say that…really they do.
