I’m not a nostalgic person. My adolescence was spent being angry and confused. My twenties were spent being angry, looking for love, being in love, getting my heart broken, and going back to being angry again. My early thirties were spent analyzing my twenties and being passive aggressive, which is another way of saying being angry.
Here’s a mostly harmless reflection for you: The way we look at our past depends on our state of mind in the present. When I’m sad, I feel as though all of my baggage is coming back to haunt me and I thoroughly chastise myself for the bad decisions I made when it came to money, love, relationships, career choices, and now these past few months, weight gain.
I call these moments emotional ruts.
It’s very difficult to snap out of one when we’re feeling helpless, bitter, alone, misunderstood, frustrated, stupid, and an onslaught of other negative emotions that serve only to make us feel sorry for ourselves. We enhance the bad memories by a thousand to ensure we have enough ammunition for the dark clouds over our heads.
To make things even worse, we not only berate ourselves for our wrong choices, but we also start doubting every single good thing that’s ever happened to us.
We question the sincerity of a compliment, a loving exchange, a thoughtful gesture, a shared moment of happiness.
We rewrite our past to fit our darkest mood.
When my doom and gloom room in my head threatens to take over my whole brain as well as my heart, I have to firmly remind myself of one thing: I should look back at my past negative experiences and be grateful for them because I’ve learned very profound life lessons; ones that have made me the person I am today.
I have learned from my past:
That forgiveness gives me freedom of mind and spirit. Understanding brings me to interconnectedness with others. Compassion should follow me wherever I go. Laughter will get me through the hardest of times. Acceptance is not the easiest of routes to travel but will lead me to happiness so much faster. Anger needs to be expressed but with gentleness. Communication is and always will be my best ally. Love can be felt and expressed in a million different ways.
I’m not a nostalgic person but if I have to look upon my life…even when I’m not feeling so great in the present…I have been blessed. And I sincerely hope that in your present, you will too.
